Below are the most recent 25 friends' journal entries.

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Sunday, December 20th, 2009
jianantonic	9:24p	Voyeur Edit:  This entry didn't format correctly.  Sorry if you got the jumbled version -- trying to fix now... I am fascinated by journeys of recovery. I feel like sort of a voyeur in this way, but also I think it's because I do care... I often end up lurking in get well communities or blogs about people's conditions after traumatic injuries or illnesses -- this began when a friend of mine was in a terrible car accident when we were in college, before I was a blogger and really before the word "blog" existed. (Isn't it crazy that a term that didn't even exist when I started college is now my job?) Anyway I would log on obsessively throughout the day to check on her status, and it was really heartwarming to read the progress as she got better and eventually made a full recovery. I've followed along with other friends' struggles and illnesses via email updates and other websites, but within the last few years -- I blame social media -- this has gotten sort of crazy. Someone that I DO know, or at least have been in peripheral internet contact with for a long time, will post an update somewhere requesting prayers and well wishes for someone who's been in some kind of accident or something. And they'll post a link. And I'll click the link. I admit, it's at least an equal level of curiosity as it is caring. Anyway, I'll read the story about this person I don't know, and it's so full of emotion, because some loved one is really worried and writing from the soul and begging for help of any kind, and I just get sucked in. And I find myself returning to these pages to read updates and follow up. It's just so interesting. I wish I could say I followed these updates out of caring, because it warms my heart to read about positive progress -- and that is *partially* true -- but really it's mainly curiosity.  People really open up about their lives in situations like this in ways that they normally wouldn't, and it's a much more intense picture than just reading some stranger's blog -- which is never as interesting as what a recovering coma patient goes through each day.  It's not like I seek these things out -- people post links and request us to read these stories and keep these people in our thoughts, and I just do.   It can be frustrating though when you want to ask questions for clarification and can't, though.  People will post assuming you know everyone involved and they'll skim over details that most people would know, so when I follow along, there are often holes, and I do get extremely curious.  But it feels wrong and creepy to reach out to these people in any way beyond to say "Hey, heard about what happened from [mutual acquaintance].  You don't know me but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wishing for the best."  This is nice, but reaching out any further would be creepy, I know that. I think most people tend to be more curious about death than illness.  The Brittany Murphy story will probably be huge for a while, and people still haven't STFU about MJ -- but these celebrity tragedies just aren't that interesting to me.  There's only so much to these stories; further developments won't change what happened, and I never really feel like anyone ever gets a true notion of what the people are like.  The deceased are always praised (whether they deserved it or not) and it all just feels very...airbrushed.   My favorite kind of book to read is a memoir.  I guess I like unpolished truth when I read.  It's nice to really see a person...even if you don't know them.  I guess that makes me a little creepy.  Maybe even a lot. Peace. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
jianantonic	5:17p	You guys. OMG. I baked. And the results were totally tolerable! McKenzie wanted to take brownies to the FedEx station on Monday, and we're going to a family holiday party tomorrow, so I volunteered to try making brownies. I really wanted to use Veronica's mint-m&m recipe, but the store didn't have any mint m&ms, so I did one batch of regular brownies and one batch with dark chocolate m&ms. And they're so good! I "baked" yesterday, too -- I put a piece of fake chicken on a cookie sheet in the oven for 18 minutes. I tried the Quorn brand for the first time. I was walking through the organic weirdo vegetarian food aisle and I saw these boxes of "chicken" stuffed with feta and cranberry, and I thought, oh wow, that looks amazing. So I bought a few different kinds. Last night I had "chicken" stuffed with gruyere, which was pretty good -- and I've had "Johnny Saucep'n" stuck in my head ever since. Keeping with the trend of trying new things, Z and I are going to a new restaurant tonight. The restaurant isn't new, but the cuisine is new to me. I'm giving Thai food another shot. But DON'T GET EXCITED. Basically, all of my friends LOVE Thai, and I always feel like the jerk when we're going out to dinner and I'm all "uh, guys, I hate Thai." But the thing is, I always have. It's just waaaaay too spicy for me. And I've been told a hundred times that "there are things that aren't spicy" but you guys do not understand. I have ZERO tolerance for spice. ZERO. Things you can't even tell are spicy are excruciating to me. Things cooked in the same kitchen as standard Thai food tend to be too much for me. I've tried it a few times in my life, and I have not liked it. Ever. Sorry. Except for last week...when we were in Tacoma, I was in a large group of foodies who all wanted Thai for lunch, and I didn't feel like putting up a fight. I went, I explained to the waiter that I CANNOT HAVE SPICES AT ALL PLEASE AND THANK YOU. And he brought me some really yummy tofu and broccoli dish with peanut sauce which did burn a lot even though no one else could taste it, but I think I'm gradually building a tolerance, because even though it burned, I didn't hate it. The food was actually good. So, guys, I'm trying to open up a place in my heart and my stomach for your favorite food. We'll see how it works out. But in the mean time, fucking stop already with the pressure. When I say "I don't like ___," I mean it. Don't try to talk me into it or promise that I can find something I'll like on the menu. Just because it's delicious to you or not spicy to you doesn't mean I can handle or tolerate it. My taste buds and my oral sensitivities are just different. I know what I like and I know what I really can't handle, and it's probably my biggest peeve of all time when people try to tell me I'm wrong about what I do and don't like. That said, don't think for even a second that any of you who insisted I give Thai a shot have anything to do with the fact that I'll be trying it tonight. And when I say "you guys," I mean every single one of you on this whole fucking list that I have ever had a meal with. So yeah, I fucking hate it when you do that, but every one of my friends is guilty of it, so it's obviously not a dealbreaker. But, um, it was time to say something. And I'm preempting all the "I told you so"s from people who've insisted in the past. I'm not trying it tonight because anyone ever told me to in the past. I'm going tonight because last week I just didn't feel like putting up a fight and actually for the first time in several tries DID enjoy it, so tonight I'm testing to see if that was a fluke or not. I'll report back later. ETA: Apparently I was lucky to eat at the restaurant I did last week -- looking over menus for nearby places, all the vegetarian items look terrifying to me. So I think I'm standing by my "I don't eat Thai" assertion, though I'll amend it to include that I'm willing to make exceptions for restaurants that have large non-spicy vegetarian selections. Apparently that's not at all normal, which would explain why none of my first few Thai experiences were good. Anyway that was a big ranty tangent. The point is, holy shit, I baked! Peace. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
jianantonic	9:24a	So I hear the east coast got some snow. My parents have two feet at their house, which I believe is a record -- certainly more than ever fell in one day in my lifetime. Everyone's complaining about it, about being stuck, or cold, or whatever, so I guess I'm glad I'm not in it, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm really missing out. If I were there, I'd suit up in my snow pants and coat and mittens and go grab Emily and our sleds and inner tubes and we'd just wear ourselves out in it. Except that Emily's not there, because she got stuck in WV on her drive home. She was on the interstate not moving for at least 5 hours, and I heard from her this morning that she finally got to a hotel in Beckley, but will have to stay there at least through tonight because they're not letting anyone out. Yikes. I guess it'll be a good week for online shopping...and a terrible week for FedEx, ouch. Anyway I know everyone who's actually in it is all grumpy about it, but I do sorta wish I could be there. I have a fun Portland day, though. Z and I woke up early so we could get everything done -- he's starting with breakfast with Dave while I hang out and blog. Then we'll go pick up his tux, which I can't wait to see. After that, we're headed to the Portland Saturday Market for some light Xmas shopping and street food. That'll only take us through lunchtime and we really don't have anything else on the agenda, but I'm hoping I can either talk him into bridge (not sure there is a Saturday afternoon game, but maybe!) or a date at the Bagdad -- Wizard of Oz is showing at 7 tonight, which could be fun. I love living in a place where at any given time on any given day, I have choices. Peace. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 18th, 2009
jianantonic	1:22p	I'm home. I enjoyed the coast and I prefer being with Z wherever he is to without him wherever I am, but it feels so good to drop my luggage and relax. The relaxing can only go on for so long, mind, because I have a ton of laundry (not an exaggeration, I have 2000 pounds of dirty clothes) to get through, a room to clean, and maybe I should buy some gifts for my nieces because holy shit, xmas is in a week. I'm not really celebrating this year, so I haven't been watching the calendar all that closely. We are going to do something in the morning with Z's family before we take off for Reno, so I think it would be nice to get some gifts for them -- I'm sure they'll have stuff for us. I'll hit up the Saturday Market tomorrow and see what I can find. I got the dryer drama taken care of yesterday. After a lot of frantic emails and web searching, I found out that Lowe's was having a superduper special with superduper free delivery and installation so I jumped on it -- saved myself ~$300 and the tenant is very happy. So I'm pleased...ish. I mean I'm annoyed that it's just cost after cost...here's hoping everything else holds up long enough for me to get an actual rent check instead of a bill. In the aftermath of all that, I did a personal finances mini-audit and calmed myself down. Things are better than I was thinking. We're okay. Hopefully we'll stay okay. I think my anxiety levels are just generally elevated these days. I had a little bit of a breakdown last night watching Weeds. Z and I have never watched the series, but we picked it up on the cheap in a Black Friday sale and just started it last night. It's enjoyable, but one episode set me off. I have this tendency to really put myself in the shoes of the protagonist in anything I watch, and when one episode dealt heavily with loss & grief over the protagonist's husband's sudden death, I just lost it. I kept imagining what my life would be like if I suddenly (or even not-so-suddenly) lost McKenzie, and I just broke down. He hugged me and told me he was glad I cared about him so much that I got this upset, but begged me to calm down. In an effort to comfort me, he promised not to die, which I guess is sweet. But...yeah. I've since chilled out, but even writing about it makes me a little uneasy again. Do other people have this constant fear of loss, or do you just tend to deal with it as it comes and not think about it when you're not being forced to deal? I just don't know how to not think about it. Anyway, I'm happy to be home. I'm going to go take a nap, then maybe walk to Hawthorne to see what's new since last week. Peace. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
jianantonic	1:40p	This is bullshit. The first month that my condo was leased, I was billed $75 (after rent) for things like advertising, cleaning, and whatever bullshit miscellaneous crap ($60 for POSTAGE) the property managers wanted us to pay for. Then last month, we took another $500 hit -- out of $800 in rent, we got a check for $300. I don't even know why but Z said he knew the charges were coming, so, whatever. It's still pretty much free money and it's better than we'd be doing if we were renting it on our own. Maybe. Then today I get a note from property management that my less-than-5-years-old dryer is dead. They're billing me $75 for sending a maintenance guy out there just to diagnose the problem, and they say it'll be $500 to replace. My parents can get a much cheaper one ($350) there, but so far I've had nothing but radio silence from the managers as to whether or not they'll let my folks in to replace the thing. So I've taken in $300 total in 3 months of renting the place, and now I'm about to cough up $400-$500 to replace an appliance that's barely even used. Pardon me while I scream obscenities. Remember how I was stressed about money? Yeah. This doesn't fucking help. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
jianantonic	6:12p	Things are going well here, but I'm a little bored. And very hungry. Z is working until 7, so we won't make it to bridge tonight, but I'm trying to not cave into hunger so I can have dinner with him when he gets back. It's been a weird day. I'm in a condo in the middle of a long row, on the bottom, and all day long, the building has been shaking. Violently. It's always coming from the same side of the building -- it's as if I'm inside a doll house and someone is kicking it. It's not just a small rumble -- it's a real, measurable shake. I don't know why it's happening but it's kind of freaky. Then a few minutes ago there was a very loud bang which I don't feel like investigating. I really am enjoying it here, but all this is quite weird. I went to the gym and used the treadmill today. I think I set a world record for world's fastest 10-minute mile. I normally do my warmup jog at about 6.3mph, and it's a good, steady, but slow pace. When I set this treadmill to 6.2mph, I couldn't keep up with it. I rolled it back to 6.0, but I'm pretty sure it was more like 7.5 or so. It was super fast. Then I tried the hamstring machine and lifted the world's heaviest 50-pound weight. I swear something is up with this place. Hopefully the internet connection will be decent tomorrow and I can get to work making my website launchable. I'm very, very close, but there are just a few updates I want to make before I start promoting it. I'm excited, though :) Peace. (Comment on this)
jianantonic	10:08a	I drove out to Depoe Bay yesterday to join McKenzie for the week. He's here being Santa (driving FedEx deliveries, not posing for pictures with bratty kids at the mall) and I'm back at the resort bitching about the internet connection. It seems to be okay for now, but it's a very delicate thing. It's wired, not wireless, which is my first gripe. Gripe number 2 is that it only works when nothing else is plugged in at all in the same room. So I'm in the dark, and I can only use the 'net in spurts as plugging in the computer kills the router. Sigh. Technology woes aside, this place is lovely. I'm right at the Pacific Ocean, but not on the beach as there is no beach here. Just cliffs. The waves keep smacking against the rocks in dramatic fashion, and it's all quite lovely. I had to charge my camera this morning, but once it's ready to go, I'll take some pictures and write a post about this place. Z and I are hoping to play bridge tonight, assuming he gets done with his route in time for the 6:30 start. We've been having a really great time playing together lately -- I think we've both really lightened up about playing together and it's been lots and lots of fun ever since. Of course having said that, we'll probably have an awful time tonight, won't we? :) Because I'm now living in a colder, northern city, I can really understand why Solstice would be such a big celebration. I woke up at 7 this morning, but the sun didn't make an appearance until 8, and it'll start getting dark here around 4pm. I will be rejoicing when the trend starts reversing next week -- I'm planning a party, but "planning" isn't really the right terminology. I know what I want the party to have, but I can't supply these things and also can't host the party. I think some friends are going to come through, though, so it's all good. What kind of theme should we do? I think my camera's all set, so I'm going to go take some pictures of the big mean ocean. Peace. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
vroope	8:17a	Rage Work Vid room schedule = done Program writeups = done Hardware and source material gathering = fucked I have squandered my last two days off in hopes that I could simply get a computer/hard drive/whatever the fuck in my possession so that I can make vid room happen as scheduled. Brendan told me on thursday night/friday morning this would get done with some special mods, a project that for someone of his technical ability would take less than three hours to accomplish. Keep in mind I made numerous offers to help with other organizational tasks around magfest, like testing hardware, helping other staffers with anything they can think of, etc. And yet, here I am, two and a half weeks away from the con with NONE of the materials I need aside from DVDs I happen to have and hopeful collections from our guests. And what happens when I try to simply say "Hey I'm gonna walk a couple miles to get the damn computer and walk back with it at absolutely NO trouble to you."? "You should just go to sleep." "Are you gonna install Windows on the computer again?" "I don't trust you or your crew to accomplish a simple fucking task (SEVERE PARAPHRASING)" Console testing can be accomplished in roughly an hour as long as one stops fucking around and plugs in shit into a tv and presses a button. There is no excuse for this shit. Honestly, I don't need this headache and stress, but I put up with it for the sake of every goddamn individual shelling out the money and time to make the best fucking video game event happen. Fuck relationships, fuck higher education, I honestly would give myself to this convention for NOTHING and only expect to bring the best damn gaming experience to our fans, guests, and everyone in between. And all I get is slackass fucking rhetoric. Fine. Whatever. Anyone here like Avatar? Because if worst comes to worst, that's what the vid room will play. For the 3rd most popular department of Mag (according to our bookkeeper), we sure get shafted when crunch time comes, and I'm sick of being patient and diplomatic in the face of entertaining a potential one thousand plus customers with simple improvisation. Did I mention I don't expect a single penny for this shit? Making you fucking nerds happy is satisfaction enough. jklasbgh uihaergp;aeno;givbaejngvop;iabgvo[ibnjhik'! Venting complete. I make no apologies to anyone reading this. Current Mood: Fuck Off Current Music: Nalepa - Monday (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 14th, 2009
jianantonic	2:28p	The ups and downs of being me I think my life is awesome and I'm lucky to live it. But it has its stresses, and because of the way I live my life, I think these stresses are magnified...for one thing, there's really no such thing as job security. In fact, from one month to the next, it's really hard to say how much money I'll make. But I can pretty much guarantee that whatever that number is, I'll spend more. Luckily my husband makes money, too. I was talking to Greg earlier today while working on my website, and telling him how I worry about my job security and how I'm kind of clueless about finding more work because all the jobs I have right now just sort of fell in my lap. I don't know what I'll do if they get taken away. I mean, I know what I'll do, but I'm not sure if it'll work. And that's scary. He suggested that I could make bajillions of dollars as a technical writer for some company. And yes, I suppose that's true, and golly, I sure would love to have bajillions of dollars -- but I am just not willing to make that trade. Today, I don't have health insurance or benefits of any kind, I don't know what my next paycheck will be, I don't know if I'll ever make money off my new website, even as I pour money into it, and I don't have any guarantee that I'll get my bills paid -- though somehow they always get paid. It's stressful feeling like I'm out of money, or knowing that if something bad happens, I'm totally fucked -- but all of these stresses really don't amount to a hill of beans compared to how great it is to wake up when I want, work all morning from bed without so much as putting on pants -- and by work all morning, I mean fart around on the internet doing a whole lot of whatever for several hours -- and then do whatever the fuck I please in the afternoons. I also get to go wherever, whenever I want, as long as I can afford it. And having enjoyed this freedom for as long as I have, I know that I will never and can never give it up. I just wish I had some way of ensuring that I'll be able to keep affording it somehow. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
jianantonic	10:00a	I've been working really hard all morning. Unfortunately very little of the work I've done so far is paying work, but it's sort of like an investment. I'm about to hunker down and do a little more, but I wanted to take a break and also talk a little about what I've got going on. For a person who makes her living on the internet, it's pretty crazy how effing clueless I am when it comes to building a website. I know what I want it to look like and say, I'm just helpless when it comes to putting it together. But luckily I have smart friends. My buddy Greg has been helping me (read: doing most of the work for me) with my new travel website, which I'm actually hoping will grow to be about much more than travel -- but the main page will always be travel focused. Anyway the site is already up, but it's not complete by any means yet, so I haven't started promoting it. But this is my own project, and no one's paying me to do the writing there, so I'm heavily invested in its success. I do intend to make money with it, or at the very least, improve my marketability for other projects. I'm pretty experienced with search engine optimization (SEO), so I know how to make my posts show up on Google and all that, but what I'm really concerned about is building a website that people want to come back to -- a website that people read for fun and share with their friends. For a while with the Perpetual Tourist, I was sort of phoning it in, but once I realized how much more I could do with it, I started working a lot harder. I'm going to amp it up even more with my new site. But I'm nervous. I really, really, really don't want to suck at this. I love being a writer. I hope it shows. Peace. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 13th, 2009
jianantonic	10:09p	Today was a very good day, to make up for the bitter pill of yesterday's very close second place finish. Ironically, or not, maybe, but it does feel ironic, we won today by the slimmest possible of margins. But we were on the right side of the tiebreaker today, so we got an outright win. Z was first for the tournament, Garth was 2nd, and I was right behind him in 3rd. It was a 15 point sectional for me, which means all I need to meet my year's goal is 15 points in Reno. That basically means one good finish for the whole week -- I'd say it's doable:) McKenzie is driving home now and I'm anxious for a few days in Portland. He'll be working on the coast for 2 weeks, so I'll probably join him out there for part of the week. The coast is nice. But Portland! I've missed it so... I can't believe it's already mid-December. Reno in two weeks! (Comment on this)
flamingophoenix	12:28p	Religion in America, and a catharsis A friend of mine linked to this article from the NYT - "Paranormal Flexibility." 1. I find it weird and annoying that he lumps together "Eastern" * and "New Age" beliefs. There is a fuckload of difference (respectability) between Buddhism and Wicca, thank you very much. Or...is there? Is there something about "a religion being around for thousands of years" that automatically lends it credibility? Or the fact that the tradition has been passed down unbroken (major world religions), rather than reconstructed from the scattered writings of Roman conquerors (Wicca/neopaganism)? I am pretty certain that the reason Mormonism (pro tip: if you want people to refer to your church by its proper name, make its proper name short - preferably one word - or people will just revert to the name you dislike!) tends to get less respect than other denominations of Christianity is because it is NEW. 150 years? That's piffle compared to the Big Five. However, most of these "new" religions don't actually believe anything weirder than what the "old" religions believe -- they just lack the multiple centuries/millennia of cemented faith and tradition that (somehow) lends respectability to the old religions. *: This reminds me of a critique some Catholic (? - somebody I read in HS, anyway) wrote about the Beatles -- "They dabbled in drugs and Eastern religions." Wow. Way to compare things which have nothing in common, asshole. 2. "Twenty percent of Protestants and 28 percent of Catholics said they believe in reincarnation." --> I personally find this to be highly unlikely. I don't think I know any Christians who believe in reincarnation. Although I suppose they could have just not told me, hmm. 2b. "Furthermore, about the same percentages said they believe in astrology, yoga as a spiritual practice and the idea that there is “spiritual energy” pulsing from things like “mountains, trees or crystals.”" --> Um, okay? 2c. "Furthermore, 16 percent of Protestants and 17 percent of Catholics said that they believe that some people can use the “evil eye” to “cast curses or spells that cause bad things to happen.”" --> Who the hell is the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life interviewing??? 3. Final paragraph (wow, this is a short op-ed): "The report is further evidence that Americans continue to cobble together Mr. Potato Head-like spiritual identities from a hodgepodge of beliefs — bending dogmas to suit them instead of bending themselves to fit a dogma. And this appears to be leading to more spirituality, not less. Cue the harps, and the sitars, and the tablas, and the whale music." I'm not sure where he's going with this. I thought the point of writing an Op-Ed column was to state an opinion, not just sling together random factoids from a Pew study. (Incidentally, the latter is what blogs like this one are for.) :-D Considering that he compares American syncretism to "Mr. Potato Head," though, I'm guessing that means he doesn't like it. Which is his prerogative. However, I am very contemptuous of the opinion that it is NOT okay to "bend dogma to suit yourself" but it is TOTALLY okay to "bend yourself to fit a dogma." Frankly, that's retarded. Religions have stated doctrines which define what they are. Individuals have opinions which may or may not line up with these doctrines. To use my personal experience as an example: I do not believe in redemptive salvation (the idea that humanity needed to be saved, and was saved by Jesus). However, I do believe in the Catholic Church's mission of social justice (helping the poor, etc). I was baptized, raised, and confirmed Catholic. I even served as a Confirmation sponsor for a friend. But when I finally realized that I rejected the central tenet of Christianity (Jesus's redemptive sacrifice for our salvation), I also realized that I could not in good conscience call myself a Catholic. Should I have bent the Church's teachings to fit myself, just so I could keep a label I was attached to? Absolutely not. Should I have bent my own opinions - or PRETENDED my opinions were different than they were - just so I could keep a label I was attached to? Absolutely not. My whole life, I grew up hearing from our priests "Don't be a cafeteria Catholic - don't pick and choose the doctrines that you like while ignoring others." I'm pretty sure they meant stuff like this one bumper sticker I've seen, "You can't be pro-choice and still be a Catholic." Or the ordination of women, or respect for the reality of homosexuality, or what have you. But I took them at their word, and here I am today - separated from the Church, because I respect its right to decide "what defines a Catholic." I do miss the community I used to have at my old churches. There were a lot of good people there. But I've felt profoundly uncomfortable participating in Mass ever since that realization, because the bedrock of a community of faith is a shared faith. It would be profoundly disrespectful of me to waltz up to a Catholic church and say "Hey guys, I love your music, and you do good social work, but I think the very foundation of your faith is bunk - God would never punish people in any way for merely existing-without-believing-in-Jesus. Also I don't think Jesus's divinity is relevant to anything - he was a great moral teacher, and that's all that matters." (For the record, I utterly reject Lewis's trilemma. I'll try to post about that sometime too, if there's interest.) Likewise, though, I don't think I would fit in very well at a Unitarian church, because there *is* no shared doctrine on which to build a community there. (If that's wrong, UUs, please explain!) There's just "Everybody comes to God in their own way." Which is good, but...I'm just not sure it's strong enough to build my own foundation on. It seems more of a "simple truth" than a "religious doctrine." So, spiritually, I just keep on keepin' on. I know what I believe (e.g. the Golden Rule), I know what I don't believe (e.g. Original Sin), and I know what I am not sure about (e.g. actual existence of God). For the last category, I am content to find this out (or not!) after I die. And to that effect, I'll end this post on a musical note: Let the Mystery Be. (19 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
jianantonic	10:49p	So, which do you think is worse: an opponent cheats against you, or an opponent shits himself while you're at his table? Both happened to us today. Nevertheless, it was a stupendous time, and I very much enjoyed myself. I will be forever bitter about one incident, but if I gripe about it here, it'll only make it worse. Basically, because of said cheating, Jen and I were screwed out of exactly one matchpoint (this is even after the by-the-book director's ruling, which gave us 12/13 matchpoints. Had the infraction not occurred, I'm 100% certain we would've gotten 13/13 matchpoints.) We ended up losing the event -- to McKenzie of all people, GEEZ -- by half a matchpoint. The worst part is that we thought we'd won, but a late score correction bumped McKenzie ahead of us. Grr. Still, 2nd overall is pretty good for a first time partnership, yes? We were pleased. But also deflated, 'cause they told us we won. Oh well. If anyone was going to beat us... Tomorrow I get to play with the victory thief himself. If we win, he'll win the whole sectional, so that'd be nice. Bridge is fun. In spite of the shit...even the literal shit. Peace. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 11th, 2009
jianantonic	3:09p	M: how many reindeer were there? Z: I think 10. The 8 popular ones, then Rudolph and Olive. M: what? Z: Olive... M: who's Olive? Z: the other reindeer...used to laugh and call him names... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 10th, 2009
jianantonic	8:23p	Shoes and dresses and hooboy this is a girly post Between New Year's Eve in Reno and the Bermuda regional, I have several black tie events. Z has his tux and I have two evening gowns:( pictures of dresses ) I don't look quite as stunning as the models do, but I think I wear them well. Anyhow, I need shoes. I will be dancing in these dresses, so not just any shoes will do. I have to be able to walk and dance and they have to be comfortable. I'm pretty sure they need to be silver. I want a platform style, because those are more comfortable. I'm a little disheartened by how expensive some of these styles are -- maybe after Xmas I'll see a price plunge -- but here's what I like so far: Caparros Dolce Satin Platform Sandal - $54.95 Chinese Laundry Anytime - $68.95 Caparros Gwenyth - $69.00 Touch Ups Kendall - $59.00 There were more that I liked more, but I'm not willing to spend what they cost. I like each of these, and I think the cheaper ones are actually my favorites, but I don't know anything about any of the brands. I really don't want to spend $60 on them, either. Do shoes tend to go on sale after Xmas? I mean these are sandals, it's not like they're in season right now...many of them already are marked down, so I'm afraid this might be the best I can do. We'll see. As far as reuse possibilities, I think the first pair is the most versatile. Thanks in advance for weighing in. I'm bored, waiting for McKenzie to get home, and I have nothing better to do than worry about what to wear in a month. Heh. Peace. (14 Comments |Comment on this)
donnagirl	11:08p	Oh, I forgot! So, I'm walking again! I was still on crutches when I started school in September. I gradually, you know, stopped. I graduated from PT just before Thanksgiving. I have most of my flexibility back, and most of my strength. I'm practicing walking farther than from here to the bathroom at the gym. I wore my boots with heels this week. It hurt, but, gives me hope that I will be able to wear cutesie shoes again! So, walking! Building strength. Now when I talk about this summer... ugh, it was bad. Bad. But now, walking! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
donnagirl	9:15p	A Cold December Hey y'all. I hadn't realized how long it's been since I posted last. But, I've FELT like I've been connected to LJ. I read, and stuff. Now I'm posting poems. I redesigned. Twice. Anyway. I had classes this quarter. That's the last thing I told you. :) It was a pretty good quarter. My freshmen were pretty sweet and geeky, and my juniors were nice, although completely uninteresting. The more I teach in public education, the more I 1.) Fear for the future and 2.) Believe in private education. But it was fine. I don't have classes for winter yet... and that's kinda too bad. I'm teaching online for the University of Phoenix again... and that REALLY makes me afraid for the future... but, it'll kinda pay my bills. I'm spending time being underemployed. And while I have some anxieties about money (health insurance... cable tv... electric bill... rent), I'm really enjoying it. I'm getting more writing done, more sending out done. As a result, I have 3 happy poetry bits of news... 1.) My poems are under consideration for the Yale Younger Poets Anthology (which is a long shot, but, I'm hopeful!) 2.) I was accepted to the Palm Beach Poetry Festival, where there's only 120 poets. Plus, I get to hang out in Florida for a week in January. If I can figure out how I'm getting there. 3.) I was awarded a fellowship by the Vermont Center for the Arts, so I get to hang out in Vermont for a month and just write. So hopefully I'm... breaking through. (wink at hkath) That's pretty much it. I'm so desperately lonely I don't even notice it anymore. I don't reach out even, anymore? I've forgotten what it's like to have friends present. One of my former students called me a week or so ago to say "I haven't heard from you in so long!" And I was like "ooh. Yeah, I don't do that anymore." But I'm ok. But if I'm gonna spend another year underemployed? I should probably find a cheaper place to live. :) Happy Holidays! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
jianantonic	4:31p	Perhaps it's a product of the times in which I grew up, or perhaps it's just me, but whenever someone mentions Murphy's Law, I get a mental image of Candice Bergen. This thought came to me on my drive back from Roseburg today, when I was blasting XM's 90's on 9, and Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" came on. I was 12 when that song became a hit, and even then I was aware that Alanis was misusing the word. But I let it slide because I loved her like only a preteen girl can. The song is still catchy and enjoyable, but now that I'm a writer, it's harder to look past the fact that probably dozens of record label execs looked past the fact that there's nothing ironic about rain on one's wedding day, or anything else in the song. The song should really be called "Murphy's Law," but it's not as catchy. And then I started thinking about Candice Bergen, just like I always do when I think of Murphy's Law. A note about XM radio. It's awesome. I love it. I hope I never have to live without it. But. Flaws exist. First of all, 90's on 9 is my favorite station -- it's awesome and I love it, but you'd think on a station dedicated to ten whole years of hit music -- and this was back when there still was music on MTV, so people were still MAKING music -- I wouldn't hear the same songs all the time. I mean, this is kind of okay, because I do like those songs, but for fuck's sake, why I have I heard "Ice, Ice, Baby" more times in the last three days than in the last 15 years? I've also heard "Your Woman" by White Town about a hundred times since I started listening to the station -- it's not a bad song, but it's easily the most played 90's song on the station, and I'd hardly call it the defining tune of the decade. It was hardly a blip on the radar. Speaking of variety, or lack thereof... There are at least 60 music channels -- probably a lot more, but I never bother to scan higher than that -- so you'd think that when I scroll through, I'd see at least 50 different artists. Hah. It's Daughtry, Lifehouse, Jennifer Lopez, and Brad Paisley on every station. And it's the same song, too. Come on, XM, you're supposed to be better than that. As long as I'm making suggestions... I think it's fine to lump decades together, because there is certainly a unique flavor to the 80's, 90's, and so on...but I think that '90 and '91 belong with the '80's. With regards to music, fashion, worldviews, etc., the very early 90's are much more like the 80's than like the later 90's, which were all about grunge and attitude and Monica Lewinsky. I feel like the 2000's haven't had much to offer mainstream music -- I can't think of any artists that have risen to fame -- real fame, not folk fame -- this decade that will make a lasting impression on my generation. The Decemberists are the best example I can think of, and they're hardly mainstream. But maybe I'm just out of touch. I'm afraid the legacy of the aughties will be crappy reality television and the rise of the celebrity scandal. I mean, think about what made magazine covers in the decades of the 20th century, and compare that to now. All people want to read about anymore is celebrities being douchebags. Here's hoping the 2010's will be a decade of something good. Peace. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
jianantonic	2:21p	It may be cold and wet, but it was winter when I fell in love with Oregon, and my love is stronger than ever right now. Loretta Lynn's "Portland, Oregon" just came on my mp3 player, and I have such strong, happy associations with this song that I can't possibly not feel great when I hear it. It takes me back to the first time I was out here with Z, before we were married and everything was brand new to me. It was winter and everything was covered in snow, and we took secondary highways...driving along the Middle Willamette in the mountains in the snow, I was awestruck. Everything was more beautiful than anything I'd ever seen before, and it struck me just how much of a sacrifice McKenzie had made to be with me, to leave this behind. Immediately, it felt like home -- only, maybe a little too good to be home. Whatever joy I'd ever felt from home before, this was better. I am so lucky to live here. I'm holed up in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere right now, but tomorrow I'll be home and I've got Portland on the brain. :) Peace. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
jianantonic	4:33p	I just got back from the "gym" at the hotel. There are two reasons I don't normally use stationary bikes. #1 is that I just don't think it's as much of a workout as running or ellipticalling. But the main reason is that I always end up with sweat stains on my ass, and that's just not sexy. But I never said I was sexy. Peace. (Comment on this)
jianantonic	3:39p	The last time I was in Roseburg, I got to see Bill Clinton, so I think that skewed my memories of the place quite positively. But Bill Clinton's not here this time. Oh well. The drive down last night was kind of shitty, but at least I had the XM radio -- 90s on 9, you rock, except when you don't. It's about 3 hours south of Portland. I'll drive home on Thursday, and then on Friday, Z and I head up to Tacoma for a sectional. I have bridge dates for Saturday and Sunday, but not Friday -- Seattle people, wanna hang out? Anyway, one of the factors that got me down to Roseburg was that the hotel has a fitness center. Uh, yeah, about that. Two stationary bikes in a small, windowless room does not a fitness center make. But it's too cold to run, so at some point today, I'll go use a bike for a little while. So far today I've done 60 squats in my room and watched Drive Me Crazy (<3) on cable, followed by a lot of terrible television. I've also written a feature, but haven't completed much of anything else. If Z gets back by 6, we'll go see The Blind Side tonight. I've been really wanting to see it, and I actually expect it to be good. We'll see... There's a casino here that I liked last time I was here, and I also remember enjoying the local mall, so I may hang out there some tomorrow, but I don't have a lot of extra cash right now, and what with a trip to Reno in my future, I'm thinking I should be diligent right now. I just contacted an editor about doing more wedding blogging -- please cross crossables for me. I think I have a good chance at getting work with this blog, and I'd really be thrilled with that. It's funny how much I loved wedding writing and how much I miss it, given my general disdain for the industry. Turns out, I enjoy being part of the industry... Peace. (Comment on this)
jianantonic	12:17p	I've got the hotel TV on MTV True Life, and it's an episode about kids in broke families. It's really sad what all these families are going through, but I can't help but notice that everyone on the show has dyed hair, they're drinking bottled water, and one of them just said "It's so sad that we have to collect empty bottles just to buy a pack of cigarettes." If you can afford hair dye, cigarettes, and bottled water, you're not broke. On the other hand, if you're broke because you spent your money on hair dye, cigarettes, and bottled water, you were kind of asking for it, weren't you? I'm turning the TV off now. Peace. (Comment on this)
jianantonic	11:31a	People of the internet, I am not surprised... I use the AOL Shopping search tool a lot for my job. I was looking for a "how to" book to feature in my latest post, so I started typing "how to..." in the shopping search field. Like Google, it guesses what you're looking for based on the most common AOL Shopping searches. Why are people searching AOL SHOPPING for advice on masturbation? Sigh. I'm in Roseburg keeping McKenzie company, because I love him very much. He's working until about 5, and there's nothing else for me to do in this hotel but work, so you'd think I might get something done today...maybe. The Fitness Center here consists of two stationary bikes in a tiny room with no windows. Sigh again. Peace. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 7th, 2009
jianantonic	3:15p	Dear Mormon missionaries, Why are you coming to my house in the middle of the day? Wait, don't answer that. Look, you're very friendly and polite, and I know you're just doing what you think is right, so I'm not going to be rude to you. But you want me to listen to you, so please remember the Golden Rule and do me the courtesy of listening to me. And then think about what I have to say, instead of waiting for me to shut up so you can start telling me about Jesus. I have my own beliefs. They're well thought out and I'm pretty secure in them. Instead of diving right in with your Jesus testimonials, why didn't you start by asking me if I had beliefs? If I'd said, well, I dunno, what are you selling?, then by all means make your presentation. But it's pretty presumptuous the way you just assume that whatever it is I believe will crumble if only I would let you talk to me about what you believe. You came to my home in the middle of the day. It's also my office. You interrupted me in the middle of my work. Do you go to office buildings to sell Jesus? Well, it's the same. Don't come here. I know you're coming here because you think I need to hear this message, and the church elders told you to come out here, but you should assume that I know what kind of message you have and that I know where to find it if I want to hear it. You guys are everywhere -- you advertise on television, for fuck's sake. If I wanted your message, I would have asked for it. The same is true for everyone else in the universe. Just curious -- have you ever really converted someone by knocking on their door and force feeding them the Word? I mean REALLY converted -- lots of us heathens will lead you on and pretend to be interested, because we find it funny -- but have you ever seen any of these people in church the next Sunday? I suppose maybe you have, just like someone out there is buying penis enlargement drugs from strangers who send them emails. I just really resent your sales tactics. It's totally a sales pitch, don't deny it. You truly believe you're selling salvation, so I'll give you a pass. That's why I wasn't rude to you when you knocked on my door. But I still felt bad to tell you to go away when you're out there on foot in the 20 degree weather, and I know that at the next house, the person who answers the door will probably be mean to you, and you seem sweet. And I hate that you put me in the position of telling nice people to go away, because it feels mean, even though it's not. All of this doesn't even begin to touch on the point that I fundamentally disagree with just about everything you believe. I think your religion is responsible for a lot of pain and suffering and hate, even though you as individuals would probably do everything you could to help a stranger in need, which I respect. But you're either oblivious or uncaring when it comes to how much damage you're doing in the world by perpetuating hate, the way you campaign against any person's right to do anything that isn't within your very narrow view of what is right. Your belief system discourages critical thinking, and how can that be good for the world? It's one of many reasons that I will never take any of you seriously. This ill will is not solely directed at the LDS church, but you guys are the only ones knocking on my door. So all of this is to say, knock it off already. I'm not buying what you're selling. Peace. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
jianantonic	12:34p	It's funny how when I have tons of crap weighing on me that I need to get done, the first step toward destressing is not to dive into the work but to blog about how much work I have. First, a speedy recap of my time in San Diego: I had fun. I got to play with many of my favorite partners, including McKenzie, my most favorite. I think I played very well, though that's not going to show up in the masterpoints. Playing on a KO team with Theri, Tammy, and co, we had a solid win on day one and drew a very tough team on day two, so we lost. Half a match award for me. I played mixed pairs with Joel one day, and we just did not click. I still think I was playing pretty well, but our hand evaluation wasn't really meshing -- both of us were aggressive in different places, and got a lot of poor results. Still, two above average games and another small scratch for me. Then I started playing KOs with McKenzie, Robert, Brian, and a sponsor. We were bracket I in the Fri-Sat KO and drew a very tough team of Canadian pros. I left up 24 at the half, and the team held the lead to advance. Another half match award for me. In the evening session, I left with a 12 imp lead, but we ended up losing. Phooey. We started a new KO on Saturday, this time minus Brian, so I played the whole day. We won the first match by a big number, and then lost the second match by a small one. That was a shame -- the team was beatable but the cards weren't favorable. I don't think any of us blew it...it just didn't go our way. Shame, that. So we didn't play on Sunday and flew standby instead. Or rather, McKenzie flew and I stood by. I got home around 9 and fell asleep pretty much immediately. I woke up at 11. I got enough work done when I woke up that I won't feel awful if that's all I get done today, but I should do more. McKenzie is in Roseburg, and as much as I love Portland and have missed it, I miss him more, so I think I'm going to get my shit in order and go down there to be with him for the rest of the week. We'll see. Here's what I have to get done before that can happen: Call AAA and get them to jump the Forester. Work out. Do laundry. Write. Do something about my website, like make it exist, for starters. Re-pack. Figure out wtf I wanna do and do it. I guess the list isn't so bad, really, except that "write" really means "write LOTS." Anyway I'm going to throw some laundry in, 'cause that needs to be done no matter what I decide. If I'm staying here, I guess I also need to go to the grocery store. And the bank. On with it... Peace. (Comment on this)

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