Some thoughts

originally posted 2 hours ago but taken down and now it is back

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 11:16:25 GMT

I have been awakened during the night the past four nights in a row by nightmares. These nightmares all revolve around the same issues (Rejection, abandonment, being cheated on/replaced, trust issues...those of you who have known me for a long time or who know much about my experiences of leaving school for a while and the other troubles I had after and during my 3rd year at BC probably know that it took me about a year and a half to really move on after being dumped and all the other crap). I feel much as I did during the months of Spring term 2001 and also the year I lived at home. All the hope is gone...and I am scared pretty much all of the time. I want to be in a place I can feel safe...and my parents are in 'Noke which is not really all that far away, I just don't have the time to really spend much time with them right now. I am in a pretty large financial bind at the moment...

I haven't had regular nightmares since right after the sexual assault and betrayals of early 2001. Well, I guess those nightmares did continue for a while. My therapist in 'Noke was very helpful. Hopefully my new therapist will be able to help me process my pain that is causing me all of these other issues. I feel that enough of my life is slipping away from me and I am powerless to stop it. It is very unfortunate that my dreams have now been invaded by all of these negative thoughts. I am not really able to relax...Roope says that some body work would probably help me...Meg has been getting body work from him fairly regularly, I don't really know if it has been helping her or not, but I know she has enjoyed the rub downs...

I just am so scared now. The place that I feel the safest now is probably at work. My boss and the owners have been very supportive of me recently. If it were not for my new job, I would be ready to pack it up and head to my parents' house and live by their rules (being home by 10, no drinking and all that) because I am not getting the support that I need right now from family and old friends either because they do not know what is going on or because of distance and busyness, mostly both (in some cases people are just having a hard enough time with life themselves that they can't really be supportive/helpful to me). I don't belong here in Cville, but staying in Mass until the house sells would just drive me crazy too. I am such a wreck. I have been awake for over a half-hour now, and typing all of this calmed me except I just woke Meg up so I am going to try and go to sleep now...

House, please sell so there is one less thing weighing down on me...
seriously though I am bothering Meg....another time internet world...

my favorite Quotes of Jeremy Taylor...still not a real update

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 13:03:10 GMT

Whatsoever we beg of God, let us also work for it.
Know that you are your greatest enemy, but also your greatest friend.
If anger proceeds from a great cause, it turns to fury; if from a small cause, it is peevishness; and so is always either terrible or ridiculous.
Love is friendship set on fire.

To be proud of learning is the greatest ignorance.
It is impossible to make people understand their ignorance, for it requires knowledge to perceive it; and, therefore, he that can perceive it hath it not.

A religion without mystery must be a religion without God.
The best theology is rather a divine life than a divine knowledge.
Conscience in most men, is but the anticipation of the opinions of others.
Habits are the daughters of action, but then they nurse their mother, and produce daughters after her image, but far more beautiful and prosperous.
Whatsoever we beg of God, let us also work for it.

I am turning 26 tomorrow

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 16:27:02 GMT

I made a meez...

I have never really been very big on updating my livejournal. A lot has been going on in my life recently so I have been even less likely to update. I am trying to get the house on the market, which has been wearing on me tremendously the past several months. The house has to sell for us to be able to afford our condo...which should be ready in December some time.
I live and work in Cville now. I love my new job (even as a busboy), hopefully I will be waiting tables within a few months. Zocalo is a nice establishment, and the owners are the head chefs. You can catch me there most nights...and particularly on Friday nights as I am usually the door man between 11pm and 2am, while we are just serving drinks. I also still work for Ruby Tuesday, but in Cville now and just during the lunch shift on Tuesdays as the host. Monday nights I am at a class for learning to play Bridge. So I usually only have one night a week where I am not working. That seems to lean towards Tuesday or Wednesday on most weeks but that may be changing since I am going to be an expediter/foodrunner more now and a busboy less.
As many of you know this move has been extremely stressful on Meg and myself. It sucks because she works days and I work nights. It makes it hard for us to get some of the things done that we need to. Falcon Ridge will be a much needed vacation.
I will miss all of my friends who will not be at Falcon Ridge this year but we will all have to try and make the best of it. I plan to spend some time at the dance tent this year. As usual though, I think I will spend more time in the campsite than in vendor city. I need the chance to veg out. I will probably be spending more time with Meg this year than in years previous because of how little I get to see her recently.

Well this has certainly been a stream of consciousness. Happy thoughts to all my friends out there...
Jeremy

sick

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 22:44:39 GMT

So I'm sick now...splitting or bashing headache(I am not sure which), sore throat, congestion, cough, etc...

Whatever was going around finally caught up with me...
At least I worked 55 hours last week and have enough sick time that if I still feel horrible tomorrow I can call in...I think I could handle switchboard tomorrow for 6 hours though...I will just be drugged...

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 23:03:38 GMT

Friiiiiiday fiiiiive from natertots
1. What's on your feet?
Socks...I took the snow and shoes off a few minutes ago...

2. Turn to your right -- what do you see?
vertical blinds (they are closed)

3. What is the last thing you ate?
solids: a pack of M&Ms and an antihistamine tablet
liquid: Glaceau vitaminwater: focus

4. What can you smell right now?
The saline I sprayed up my nose to clear the stuffiness

5. Do you wear hats?
Yes...I prefer visors (my wife does not) unless the purpose is to keep my head warm or dry

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 15:13:12 GMT

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

punctuation

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 15:33:43 GMT

hyphen
You scored 38% Sociability and 58% Sophistication!

You are comfortable around others. While you don't have to go out every
night, yet you take pride in being easy to get along with. This should
not, however, be misconstrued as believing (as many do) that you are
without subtlety. In fact, you have the power to inform the anal
retentive that, indeed, they are discussing an anal-retentive issue.
Who else can do that? Quotation marks intimidate you a little bit.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 27% on Sociability
You scored higher than 46% on Sophistication

Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

ummm.....I prolly should not post this but...

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 19:23:20 GMT

YOU ARE MARRIED TO A WoODCHUCK!!!

what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla

You exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness.

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 18:33:23 GMT

You are a
Social Liberal
(66% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(18% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Damn, maybe I AM a friend of Hillary's...I keep trying to tell Meg I don't like Hillary but my scoring puts me on Hillary it seems...

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 12:50:32 GMT

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Your personality type is SCUAI

You are social, moderately calm, unstructured, accommodating, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Providence, Austin, Denver, Salt Lake City, Charlotte, San Antonio, Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Indianapolis, Phoenix, Portland/Salem, Nashville, Louisville and these international countries/regions Turkey, Croatia, Slovenia, Caribbean, Puerto Rico, Iceland, Norway, Ukraine, Sweden, Denmark, Spain, Netherlands, Russia, Japan, India

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org

Here I am, Stupid American

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 16:12:27 GMT

You Are 27% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it.
But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.
On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...
And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

(Actually I do kind of want to leave it. Family members living here is what keeps me from choosing to seek citizenship elsewhere...
I don't want to sucker punch Uncle Sam. I don't want violence, even play violence...I want accountability...)

Who'd a thunk it...I'm barely more than a quarter American. I do try to be more of a citizen of God's Kingdom than of earthly kingdoms (I don't think God as King can really be explained away as not requiring obedience to God ABOVE obedience to earthly institutions or social customs) but mostly I just end up being Human. Very flawed and very human...but at least not too American...

Peace and Long Life

for everyone's education... E=MCC gets kicked in the pants

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 14:00:54 GMT

Constant of C is a variable now.... We already knew we could slow it down but now apparently we can speed light up. So much for "Laws of Nature"... Scientific laws and rules are ONLY theories with a useful degree of probability... well we convince ourselves and each other that they have useful probability... Ah the uncertain knowledges of science...
http://www.scienceblog.com/light.html

Blessed Be

Tue, 03 May 2005 04:12:43 GMT

Blessings upon all who read this.

It is my sincere prayer that all persons who read this will personally and specifically be blessed.

Faith, Hope, and Love that transcend barriers to each and all of you...

(Does anyone else who cares about the Bible find it interesting how many "Christians" emphasize Faith as all important when Corinthians clearly states that Love is superior...? Oh yeah...and the Faith, Hope, or Love of the human is never as powerful as that of the Divine. Maybe what we do can't hinder the True Telos of the Everything..)

tech support for self and friends

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 01:09:51 GMT

ah the pains of fixing computers

I need to fix Sarah's computer which should be easy now that we have the quickrestore disk. I'll just compltetely wipe the hd (blank dos partition) with my redhat CDs and then use the restore cd...

I am trying to turn my little linux box into a dual boot w/windows98se cause that is what I have installed on my old hd. I got it to boot windows but I have not been able to get windows to talk to the network or internet yet. Maybe I can fix it when I pick my 98se and restore cds from Boom Boom's apartment tomorrow.

At least I was able to fix the problem Meg was experiencing. The standby button on top of our cable modem had been depressed by a pile of stuff on it (probably partially my fault that the button got pushed cause I moved my computer to work on it...probably partially not my fault as the pile of stuff was not mine). Pushing a button to take the modem off standby I can do...

I should be getting Ubuntu CDs soon which means I will be reformatting the linux hd on my box soon anyway...

*sighs*

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 04:12:55 GMT

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

15% Dixie

15% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 11:50:32 GMT

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!

And chances are, you're currently in love.

You have a strong physical response to love...

And you are great at committing

(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What's Your Love Style?

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 11:50:01 GMT

Jeremy Wise Taylor's Aliases

Your movie star name: Orange Cupcakes Fred

Your fashion designer name is Jeremy Venice

Your socialite name is Fro Sidney

Your fly girl / guy name is J Tay

Your detective name is Human Lord Botetourt

Your barfly name is Lil Debbie Lil Debbie Gin And Tonic

Your soap opera name is Wise Mapleview

Your rock star name is Chocolate The Earth

Your star wars name is Jerdio Taymeg

Your punk rock band name is The Contemplative Torus

The Amazing Meganame Generator

sillyness but funny

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 11:46:14 GMT

Jeremy Wise Taylor's Aliases

Your movie star name: Orange Cupcakes Fred

Your fashion designer name is Jeremy Venice

Your socialite name is Fro Sidney

Your fly girl / guy name is J Tay

Your detective name is Human Lord Botetourt

Your barfly name is Lil Debbie Lil Debbie Gin And Tonic

Your soap opera name is Wise Mapleview

Your rock star name is Chocolate The Earth

Your star wars name is Jerdio Taymeg

Your punk rock band name is The Contemplative Torus

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 11:30:39 GMT

You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”

--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

</td>

Existentialism

100%

Utilitarianism

80%

Hedonism

70%

Justice (Fairness)

65%

Kantianism

65%

Divine Command

35%

Strong Egoism

20%

Apathy

10%

Nihilism

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

Not too bad but of course more of my views are shaped by my religion than a lot of people would think if they just saw this...of course when your religious views include reason as valuable it all might be religious....hmmm...

UUA

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 15:02:03 GMT

All of the information I am going to list here would be perfectly easy for someone to look up on their own. Because Unitarian Universalists do not really look like a typical religion many people are not going to look this up on their own. Some people think that UUs have no belief or not enough in common to be helpful and relevant to each other with regards to spiritual matters. I can understand why this is confusing to many people because not all Unitarians Universalists are Unitarian or in fact Universalist in the historical sense...

First I will talk about the Unitarian Universalist Association as it is today.

Unitarian Universalism is technically not a Denomination. It is an Association of churches. There is less of a top down heirarchy and more of a group democracy. This would be very much unlike the structure of the Catholic Church or Methodists.

All churches that join the Association "covenant to affirm and promote" certain principles and purposes. I am going to focus on the principles. Of course when you join...sign your name in the membership book...a UU Church you are covenanting to affirm and promote these concepts as well. This is as close to a creed as the UUA is willing to get. They do not require uniformity of belief especially with regards to metaphysics.

(This next bit is all quoted from the UUA website. I first encountered it on the bulletin of Harrisonburg UU.)
We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote

* The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
* Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
* Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
* A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
* The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
* The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
* Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

(If you believe these things then you do agree with the UUs with regards to what THEY hold to be most important.)
(Without one particular canon from which to enforce dogmatic belief How do UUs have any experience of the divine or truth?)
The living tradition which we share draws from many sources:

* Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life;
* Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love;
* Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life;
* Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our neighbors as ourselves;
* Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.
* Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.

Jeremy: If you find these ideas positive and helpful then maybe the UU Churches are for you. Different congregations have very different (worship) service styles, so one congregation may feel like home while another is unbearable due to the structure of the service.

Faith, Hope, and Love Of/For/From God to Us All,
Jeremy

update

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 01:25:34 GMT

what is this special update thingy?

Denomination/association

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 05:02:49 GMT

Why does it matter what denomination or association I belong to or become ordained through...?

It seems my mom would be upset and my dad would likely be dissapointed if I left the Church of the Brethren and were ordained by the Unitarian Universalists. Maybe it is just that Dad does not want to see me removing any options that I do not need to remove. I feel kind of like a poser being a minister in the Church of the Brethren. I don't like deceiving people. I don't believe that most of the stories in the Bible are literally true. Dad says that biblical literalism is a new phenomenon and that I should not worry about it so much. I wish I could worry less. This worry is a bit self focused and all.

Many of my friends have said that I need to do what works for me and they know I will do God's will too to the best of my knowledge and ability. I kind of agree. I compromise a lot. Makes me worry about all that stuff about God despising and spitting out the lukewarm.

Those that don't follow the Truth which they know are probably at greater risk than those who don't claim to know any Truth.

I don't want to have to play pretend in order to be a pastor. I think I should be able to be a pastor and to be me. I should not have to hide my heresy with deception. I am not orthodox. Well...I am not always so sure about that. Among those that think for themselves I may not be unusual at all. And how do we count opinions to determine what is truly orthodox. If a person just goes along with an idea does that count for as much as them analizing a situation for themselves and coming to a conclusion about it?

My livejournal posts are probably going to tend towards stream of consciousness rather than organized. If you want organized and Jeremy I guess you need to hear me guest preach somewhere.

Speaking of organized preaching.... all of my friends should check our reallivepreacher.com He is an awesome minister from Texas...

I'm tired....

Faith, Hope, and Love Of/For/From God to All

My results from the belief o matic

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 03:28:53 GMT

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

1. Liberal Quakers (100%)
2. Mahayana Buddhism (96%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (96%)
4. Neo-Pagan (96%)
5. New Age (92%)
6. Sikhism (89%)
7. Reform Judaism (87%)
8. Jainism (84%)
9. Bah�'� Faith (83%)
10. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (83%)
11. Theravada Buddhism (81%)
12. Hinduism (71%)
13. Taoism (66%)
14. Orthodox Quaker (65%)
15. Orthodox Judaism (64%)
16. New Thought (63%)
17. Islam (58%)
18. Secular Humanism (56%)
19. Scientology (55%)
20. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (43%)
21. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (39%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (39%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (37%)
24. Nontheist (35%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (30%)
26. Roman Catholic (30%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (27%)

oops I meant to post this link...

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 16:02:49 GMT

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

this is a quiz that ranks various religious groups and their compatability with your beliefs. Yeah it is sometimes a little bit off but what do you expect from multiple choice. I find it fun. If you take it when you are in different moods your results may differ quite a bit...

about me

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 15:55:43 GMT

I suppose it is past time for me to put some information about myself and my thoughts on here. I like my profile the way it is so I probably will not change it very soon...

DISCLAIMER I don't want people to take any of the things I say in the wrong way nor do I want people to think that I am being insincere or arrogant. I don't think I have all the answers but I am certainly seeking answers and right actions. I almost wrote that I do not want to offend anyone but that is not entirely accurate. There is plenty of information that needs to offend us to spur us to action. Sometimes the Truth is offensive. Another way to say that might be that our lack of action in response to the truth is what is truly offensive. Read on at the risk of being challenged. DISCLAIMER

I am a 24 year old male (almost 25). I have a wonderful wife and a wonderful house in the Shenandoah Valley. I grew up in 4 different areas of Virginia. My grandparents, great grandparents, and parents are all members of the Church of the Brethren, in which I have been a licensed minister. I have entered a period of spiritual searching as of late. I realized a few years ago that while I will always be very Christian (at least culturally and linguistically), I have moved Beyond Mere Christianity. I felt a bit guilty for thinking that until I reaximined why I felt guilty. I felt guilty from a social source and basis rather than spiritually or religiously guilty. I am a very Jesus-centered person and I thought about Jesus in relation to his Judaism. Jesus was definitely Jewish, but he definitely moved Beyond Mere Judaism. Jesus widened the call to be God's Children beyond a statistically small ethnic group and opened it up to all who would listen. I do know and understand that I am not Jesus. (Many ministers seem to fall into a trap where they forget that they are not Jesus and can not be everything to everyone all or even any of the time.) I hope that Jesus did not envision the Church as so divided and hateful as it has become. I believe he probably had the idea that it would experience lots of these problems.

I choose not to be part of the hateful church. I am moved by the Faith of God to continue to strive for love and chase the breath/soul/wind of God. (No, it is not my faith but God's Faith. Human faith does not evoke miracles, but rather Divine Faith does.) I see all morally related actions that people take as primarily rooted in the soil of fear or of love. I choose to be in the vineyard grown in love. Many churches preach a "gospel" of fear (not just Christian churches). "Be afraid and do what we tell you so that you might escape the Hell/bad-life that we all deserve." What a crock of shit...

The gospel of love as I see it is not a message that must remain within Christian confines. However to proclaim or live this gospel would seem to make one a Christian whether they claim it or not. (Christian = Little Christ) To rightly follow Jesus I must base all of my decisions on Love. Some would call me liberal here I would say that I am liberal as Jesus was liberal and also that it is actually a bit conservative of me to disbelieve all this pro-fear bullshit spouted to us all the time from our government, media, and our brainwashed communities and base my belief system so largely on the person and message of Jesus. I do definitely believe in progress. We can learn from our experiences.

It seems to me that Jesus did not want to be worshipped. He seemed to be pointing away from himself and to God. When he does say things like "When you have seen me you have seen the Father" I think he is trying to make people realize that God is immanent. Jesus told the people that God told us "You are gods" and also told the disciples to pray to "Our Daddy" (Abba). Why do people CHOOSE to get the message confused with the messenger so much in life?

(From the Gospel According to John Chapter 10 NRSV) The people tell Jesus that they are going to stone him "...for blasphemy, because [he], though only a human being, [is] making [him]self God." Jesus appeals to the law to try and help them understand, " ‘Is it not written in your law, “I said, you are gods”? If those to whom the word of God came were called “gods” —and the scripture cannot be annulled— can you say that the one whom the Father has sanctified and sent into the world is blaspheming because I said, “I am God’s Son”? If I am not doing the works of my Father, then do not believe me. But if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, so that you may know and understand that the Father is in me and I am in the Father.’ " Jesus is here reaffirming that he is a prophet of and from God and a Son of God but at the same time tells the people that they are gods.

I need to stop going on about this point here but will write more about it later I am sure. Anyway, I will continue now about the love > fear issue. As a love based and pushing Christian I focus on love itself and love's results. "They will know we are Christians by our Love, by our Love..." Ahh the truth of song... Notice the hymn is not they will know we are Christians by our dogma and self-righteous behavior and condemnation of everyone different from us.

It has almost been an hour since I started writing this so I will do a quick wrap up because I need to get ready for work:
I said I have moved Beyond Mere Christianity...but at the same time I want to be nothing less than Christ like. I want love to be the choice I make and the gound I stand on.

I very much enjoy talking with and learning from different people about their spirituality/relationship with the divine. I find that many people who do not identify themselves as Christian have things to teach me that can be helpful in my work on Earth and service to God. The designation of Christian is connected to so many hateful and hurtful things that I want people to understand me better than the term Christian describes me...

I am a Jesus-centered person of Faith. My Faith flows down to me from God. It is not a faith of mine trying to reach toward the divine so much as God's Faith flowing into me. All good things that I do are always the result of God's action in me. I want to have the religion of Jesus or similar to his but not a religion about Jesus. I do not worship Jesus and I do not think I ever really have in my heart.

I have been going to a UUA church recently (Unitarian Universalist Association). I find it very open and loving and can search for truth and meaning there. The churches heading at the top of their website is "A Caring Community Supporting the Freedom to Believe".

For those who will jump to criticize me for claiming that Christianity is not the only source of value in the world I will respond here with a blanket statement and dialogue with friends in more depth if they would like: "Your God is too small." I think my conception of God is too often too small myself. I am more like and ant or like Hitler than I am like God so it is a bit rediculous to claim to know much about God. I do not understand ants or Hitler very well...

Faith, Hope, and Love of God To You and From You All